Stop Should-ing on Yourself

One very powerful shift that we can all easily make is to stop 'should-ing' on ourselves. I hear the word should so often:

'I should call my Mom'

'I should get up earlier and go to yoga'

'I should quit smoking and lose 20 pounds'

'I should spend less time on the internet'

'We should get out into nature more often'

'People should take better care of the planet'

When I hear it, I ask clients to try saying the same sentence again - and change the should to could. "Should creates shame" I say, "whereas could creates choice."

'I could call my Mom'

'I could get up earlier and go to yoga'

'I could quit smoking and lose 20 pounds'

'I could spend less time on the internet'

'We could get out into nature more often'

'People could take better care of the planet'

"But people should take better care of this and that..." I hear you say. Yes, they could, and sometimes they do.

And should-ing someone - including ourselves - into change is nearly almost always met with resistance and feelings of shame. It feels so different to say "could." More liberating, more compassionate. And change is so much more likely when it comes from a place of freedom and love.

In love, Joseph

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